Thursday, September 30, 2004

I'm Sick!...

Sick with the attitude of the blogging community. I go to everybody's blog at least once a day to try and see if people update...every time I'm met with failure. Nobody seems to be updating their blogs anymore. HELL even once a week would be nice. I think I uphold my blogging responsibilities quite well. I just feel so let down when people with blogs don't hold to their responsibilities. It's not too demanding...I think. I dunno maybe i'm an idiot. No, no i'm not, I'm just critical and I like it so...PUH!


Monday, September 27, 2004

I suck at writing.

Today was a day.

I was a student.

I learned some shit.

took some shit.

don't really feel like shit

and so now I sit.

Write in my blog.

nothing to do but dwell on my actions.

and the people and their reactions.

When I'm done.

I turn the lights off.

Throw my jacket in a lump on the floor.

and head for my bedroom door.

Play my guitar.

Sit a stare at the wall.

Crawl relunctantly into bed.

pull up the covers.

and head off into my mind.

I watch and wonder.

I ask it questions.

It answers with a sigh and a bye.

I leave dazed and confused.

Crawl back out through my ear.

Out of bed and into the fray.

There to fight and there to stay.

Till again I find my path back home

and take it torn and tired

to sit and transpire

-Don't do Drugs!
unless it's okay.
then do them and buy a horse.
take it for a run but not to walgreens.
They smoke.
That's unhealthy.
Unless you are a carny.
Then anything you do is unhealthy.
So in that case try using cottonballs.
That is if you want to apply a liquid.
but only if it's clear.
If it isn't it's tar.
If it's tar then it should have been on the road.
Put it there.
With a little time and effort it will be fine.
Here's a dime to use to dine.
Unless you are a mime.
Then you can't go.
If you did you'd be a hipocrit.
not really but it'd be nice to think that for a second.
Only to realize you can't think at all because you are dead.
A wound.
probably some bleeding.
Unless it was due to shock.
In that case you'd have to rely on him.
not you.
Oh you're not a him.
Shut up you blind how can you tell.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Good News- I'm not moving

Saturday, September 25, 2004

Heh yeah so Friday of this last week play rehearesal went well...besides the fact that Mr. Barnes put me in a love cradle....that's right Mr. B was trying to block us through the love scene friday(us being Kyle and myself). While trying to explain the blocking he took it upon himself to take me in his arms and show how the love cradle should be done...yeah kinda akward. But that's theatre for you. It was all in good fun...Jessi almost snapped a picture but didn't get it in time. Sorry...

In other news I still don't know what's up with this whole moving business. I keep asking and poking and proding but I'm getting nothing. I'll make sure everyone knows the deal as soon as I know what's the verdict.

Heh yeah so Friday of this last week play rehearesal went well...besides the fact that Mr. Barnes put me in a love cradle....that's right Mr. B was trying to block us through the love scene friday(us being Kyle and myself). While trying to explain the blocking he took it upon himself to take me in his arms and show how the love cradle should be done...yeah kinda akward. But that's theatre for you. It was all in good fun...Jessi almost snapped a picture but didn't get it in time. Sorry...

In other news I still don't know what's up with this whole moving business. I keep asking and poking and proding but I'm getting nothing. I'll make sure e���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������

Sunday, September 19, 2004


Hey all Joe here agian...not that I'd be anywhere else. hmm maybe Cincinnati?

I think I'm getting over this whole moving thing.

I geuss maybe I don't care. Maybe it's for the best, you know? Maybe this is what I need to push me out into the world. I have been trying to ween myself onto being more independant and find my own way. Hell that is hard when you live in the phucking suburbs. Vlad and I went to dominick's last night after the game and bought ourselves some frappachinos or however you spell that. anyways being the crazy philosipher Vlad is I decided I'd talk to him about my situation. He put alot of light on what I looked over before. I could very well find a place to fit myself in out there.

I hope that whatever the dicision of my father is, spells only good for me. Humans are always afraid of change...and yet we are the only beings that consciously bring on and cause change...all the time! I'm starting to actually want to move. It's kinda dumb how quick I've changed my mind I geuss but if I don't change my mind I'll only keep beating myself up about it. I don't need that.

The only part of me that is still stubborn is knowing that I'll be leaving all my good friends. I'll always regret that but I also have to accept that I could very well find a group or a few individuals elsewhere that I'll fit in quite well with.

Shit, this is all given the fact that my dad gets the job in the first place. He's still gotta do an interview for it if...he does choose to do it. And yet...if he did go for the interview I'm pretty sure he'd do it's all up to time now.

On a brighter note I purchased a great cd today that I'd recommend anyone and everyone to purchase. Jamie Cullum's album Twenty Something. RGJ really good jazz. I love it. It's smooth and violent at the same time. Jamie has a kick ass voice! He can sing high enough to get me on my feet while he's scatting, and then drop everything too a sultry smooth bass that makes a chill run up and down and sideways across your spine.

Jazz is my new genre of choice. I love how smooth it is. classic rock,great. punk rock when the moment calls for the repitition, okay. but Jazz just subdues my body, mind and soul. which I need alot of lately. I need some advice on things to buy...know any good jazz? tell me please.

OH! by the way anyone interested in reading my new script I ordered over the web, Yes Mamet, let me know. It really only appeals to Mamet freaks though so...only if you talk in meter and swear everyother sentence. It's a good laugh though.

If you want happiness for an hour – take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day – go fishing.
If you want happiness for a month – get married.
If you want happiness for a year – inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime – help someone else.

-Chinese proverb

Thursday, September 16, 2004


Big news all.

Last night something caught me totally by dad.
Thing is...I might be moving. He asked me to sit down on the couch and layed it all in front of me...Joe Griffin might soon be living in Cincinnatti...shit how much is that gonna suck I can't even spell it right.

I'm super pissed at my family life right now. I'm always like that. I can get so angry and pissy at home but when I come to school I hide it for the most part. I think that's a good thing because I wouldn't want to seem like a pissy bitch at school but it's getting harder for me to surpress my feelings when something like this hits home and affects my WHOLE social life.

here is what I've come up with on what I'd be gaining by moving:

1-New school so clean slate with teachers(thing is I don't need one)
2-Financially sound household(but I'd leave the house in a year anyway)
3-possibility of new friends and experiences
4-New home(again I'd leave it in a year)
5-School? I dunno. I dunno how schools in the cinci-whatever area are.

things I'd lose or give up:

1 -School- where I'm comfortable with learning and where I have a good footing in the drama department(which might I add is my best vent. I live for theater. any aspect of it. Limelight theater is what brought me out of a huge depression when I was younger and moving around because of my dad's job.WAH oh yeah that's right this is a repeat of what went on during most of my early years.let me see born in Kansas moved to florida then to virginia, then to wisconsin, then to Illinois. I still remember the day my parents promised me whe we first moved here that we would stay here for good at least till I moved out.well the government goes back on alot of their promises what would make you think that the people would have this same dirty habit.)
2-Social life- NOt that it's much of one j/k. I want all my friends out there reading my blog to know right now that I love every single one of you. I'm so humbled that I have as many friends as I do and as good as I do. Without you all I'd be a gothic subjugate, slitting my wrists and pucking my guts out to every grief and problem I am faced with. I can hate my family so much at times but when I go to school to you all where you welcome me with open arms and I don't have to worry about anything because you'll listen and hug me and make me laugh and you make me cry when I go to sleep thinking that I might have to leave you all early. I know someday I'll leave you all but that time shouldn't be now...I'm not ready.
3-The City- I love Chicago. I want to go to school there and I want to live there. I've made that decision in my mind for some time now. I'm torn that I'd have to leave my surroundings.

I don't even want to think of everything else I'm leaving if I end up doing this. It's too hard for me right now.

Lately I've been crying about everything. I feel like this horrible emotional lump of stupidity. I've cried about things so stupid that It makes me just cry more. One night I was talking to Sarah about the drama dept. at OHS and she pointed out alot of things that would be lacking this year (senior actors and really potential young actors as examples.) I started thinking about it all and I went to my room to try and sleep on it but I just started bawling uncontrolably. I felt so stupid but I felt so alive. As much as I hate crying I love it...I feel SO alive when I cry. I think it's the purest and most profound reaction to an emotion. even the euphoric feeling after sex doeesn't beat feeling drained of your tears and being left with that strange feeling in the back of your head from shouting at the world in your head for being so screwed up to you all the time.

So I didn't say much about my whole postition on leaving to my parents last night but I slept on it and thought about it all day while noticing all my friends and when I got home today and my dad came home i waited for my mom to put the younger ones to bed and I tried telling my dad how I felt about the whole idea(and communicating with my dad is like trying to shove a piece of rebar up your asshole and out your bellybutton-uncomfortable and painful). All I got from my dad was that "it's not your decision to make so just let me think about it." Which I TOTALLY blew up about. BULLSHIT MAN! I'm part of this family and as long as that's true my opinion is as just as valid as your own and Moms and Andrew's and Ryan's. I made the mistake of "raising my voice" and "giving him a tone" and so we got in one of many of our fights. AGH! HELP! I just need someone to hold onto because everything hurts right now. my head and my body. I haven't slept well lately. I never fall asleep in classes but yesterday I totally went off into lala land and woke up finding I had homework that I wasn't aware of being assigned.

I can't explain this empty feeling in my gut right's so devestating and I feel as though I have no control over it. Really and truthfully I don't. I can come to terms with that. I can also come to terms with leaving if that comes to be...but I will fight and cry and hurt until I reach a stable ground where I can collect myself and take up my sword and smile on to be eager and ready to fight the oncoming day with my smile leading the way. Right now that smile eludes me and is instead replaced by a facade that hides my true state of being. I hope I find my way soon or find that his whole thing is just another bump in the road that leads to my own demise. Funny how we strive so hard every day when innevitably our path ends and times move on and so do people. I can only hope that through my life travels I can leave a little of myself behind for someone to pick up and use to their own advantage. Chances of that have me tear up too.

I promise to keep everyone updated on the condition of my condition as things move along. There is still a fighting chance and I'm fighting it with all my powers. please cheer for me. I love you all so dearly, so so dearly. I say this with all sincerety. I don't know what i'd do without you all, my friends, my mentors, my role models, and my partners in crime.

Sincerely with love,
Joseph Griffin

Wednesday, September 15, 2004


Good news all. Some body found my wallet! Yay...oh but they took all the money in it...$20...oh well...lesson learned.

Busy Busy day today.

Scool: I just kinda chugged through anxious to get to my extra...I mean Co-curricular activities after school. School has been so slow lately. Fourth block we had a sub who just up and left halfway through class and never came back. oh well I got a nice nap before play rehearsal.

Play On Rehearsal: ROCKED. I love the script! It's very good. The humor has me splitting sides just reading the pages. Just wait till we put actions and vocalize everything. Stay tuned for updates on the progress of this play in progress.

Ate at Jimmy John's. not bad I liked it. I got the JJBLT. pretty good, but gave me bad breath. I had a mint though so that problem got tackled pretty fast.

Commotion: Ran five laps round the school...I'm getting better. I've never felt better about running. I'm so happy. The show is finally coming together now. I wasn't sure how things would exactly fall into place but now I feel very comfortable with the group and what we're capable of accomplishing...which is alot. Despite my disablity at dancing I'm getting the steps down and the songs are so much fun. My favourite being "With You" the ballad from the musical "Pippin".

Well well well.

I'm quite exhausted from today and so I say adieu and adios.


Sunday, September 12, 2004

Chicago Chicago!

I love the city too much. Yesterday Jessi And I took a trip to chicago to visit our good old friend Gunnar and kinda mingle about the city. When we first arrived at the train station in Aurora we found much to our surprise that half of the parking lot was set aside for a wonderful little fair. After parking I heard something that sounded like music and after leaving the car and walking a few paces towards the fair we found a trio of performers playing old 40's sounding fair music...Tuba,Banjo!,and Trumpet!!. To cut things short we were there early so we grabbed a smootie some mini doughnuts and listened to the music.

Train came we found our seats and headed off for the city.

When we arrived we found Gunnar standing next to his bike with his trademark army fatigues on and his police hat hanging from the handlebars of his womans $25 bike. After some talking, and a firm handshake/hug we got a bite to eat and sat outside of the train station catching up.

Now I love the city for it's tall buildings and the noises and all the stores and restaurants but I mostly love the people in Chicago. We were sitting outside eating when all of a sudden a black homeless person came rambling over to our general direction while shouting "MOTHER FUCKER!" and "SON OF A BITCH!" and then going into some type of conversation mostly under his breath about something that apparently disturbed the poor homeless person. I felt bad for him but I was also scared by him because he began ranting about wanting to kill someone. So we just kinda stood still and after he left we grabbed up our things and headed for Gunnar's apartement.

Nice place gunnar! It's small but very neat. His Kitchen/Living room had all his amps guitars and recording devices set up against the walls. I got a chance to meet his roomate of which I've heard of and got to see his room and how he's turned it into his home away from home.

We played some guitar and then headed out to see the town. First stop ... the beach that reeked of ass. Till yesterday I never knew that Chicago had a beach or could even be capable of having one. Truthfully though it was pretty nasty. There was a huge pile of shit on the sand and it pretty much made me want to vomit.

After the beach we headed out to the "L" and took the sub-train all the way up to wrigleyville where we got off and went thrifting at a pair of thriftstores.

Again I love people in Chicago...

Right before entering the thrift store a man walking out with a smug little grin on his face saw gunnar and noticed his hair tied up in back and stopped to say "JESUS LOVES YOU!" and then went about his business of spreading the word to all long haired semi jesus looking freaks that jesus loves you.

Then while in the store I was trying on some jackets, specifically a really nice Members Only jacket, when I saw an old asian man walking down the aisle. At first it was nothing, two strangers passing each other and going about their business. Things took a change for the wierd very quickly though. The old asian man passed behind me while I was looking at a jacket and I heard him mumble almost inaudibly "Beutiful."...I was'nt sure what to do so when the man was gone I got gunnar's attention and told him what happened and we decided to just shrug it off and go about our business. I decided to go around the store to some different sections and kinda look around. I noticed at this point that the old asian man was following me around, but at a distance. He never got too close. Just before we were leaving I was putting a coat back on the rack when the man came around the corner to also hang a coat up. I was kinda put in an akward situation so I grabbed another coat and began looking at it. The man did this also. I was looking at the coat and inching myself away when he leaned over to me and said quite plainly "You look beutiful in everything." ...........thank you...thank you old creepy asian man who should look into a nice corrections facility. thank you, and here' my wallet. I left that store faster than anything after that little ordeal. I payed my $6 for my Member's Only jacket and I left that store with no intent of ever returning.

Still It made my day.
At least I'm beutiful in the eyes of someone...
I take that back it's a good story that I'll take with me forever but the fact that I think I turned that man on by simply trying on jackets kinda scars me for life.

When we got back to Gunnar's part of town we ate at a very nice chinese restaurant and went back to his apartement to watch Dave Matthews and chill out after a long day of walking and talking and just having a great time.

Now brace yourselve for this. The train home was quite the life lesson for Jessi and I.

We bid farewell to gunnar around 10. We got on the train and with all our energy drained and our minds turned to mush we slumped down on the train seats and found random things to talk about and sung a few songs. Time went by and we finally arrived to our stop. We got our things and jumped off the train and headed down a ramp hopefully leading to the main train station area. right as we finally woke up and noticed that we were off at a wrong stop we heard the train go by aboce us and head to where we should've been.


Jessi went into a fit about how she could've made this mistake but thruth was I was the one who made the mistake of saying "well here we are.". Jessi called home and told her parents of out fatal mistake and checked the scheule and told her we'd catch the next train out...which was the 12:40...that was about an hour from the current time and we felt absolutly devestated. We had time to burn and nobody but us were there. We bought a newspaper and read movie reviews but that only took 10 minutes and then we were there with nothng to do. We sat and waited and waited and sat. talked and waited and waited and sat. AH! 12:40...and no train...shit...Jessi ! you GOOF you looked at the SUNDAY schedule! We both called home again and then with all energy lost and all will to live gone we jumped on the tracks as a passing freight train went by we wrote a song. We were so embarrased and yet inspired my the mistake we made so we're writing a song about the whole incident. That ate up time like nothing and finally at 1:43 the last train out stopped in and we took for home!

I was really losing it by this time. zoning in zoning out. I got off the train and Jessi drove me home and as soon as I arrived to my doorstep I noticed a lack of a bulge in my back pocket. oh shit. I left my wallet on the train...So if anybody has family that works for metra...hehe yeah so I can't drive for the time being as I don't have my license. I tried calling the station but the office is closed and the number for lost and found they gave me is diconnected for some ungodly reason.

Well my weekend was great.

I made the show...I'm Billy...don't ask.

If you find my wallet please give it back I'll give you all the money left in it.

Oh Diana! Could you please bring my cell phone to school tomorrow?

Till next time ...Jesus Loves You!

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Hello Erebody!

Today was tryouts for the Fall play at OHS! The show so far is kinda how Nic Nic was last year though...I'm a bit worried...Nobody has heard of it. Oh yeah the show is:

Play On . . . A Murder Most Fowl.


So buckle up and hold on for the ride. Nobody knows what's to come. I think I did Pretty well with auditions today. I was really confident and very phsyched. My goal is to in some way inspire someone younger in the drama program. Adrian Aguilar did that for me and the least I could do is while making my strive to do my best hopefully rub some of myself off on someone else. Let's see how these newbies are...alot of potential...alot of blind trust...LET'S DO IT!

Oh btw ... My cd is done. Want it? Just send me a picture of your favourite pair of tennis shoes and I'll make sure that you get your free copy. To send me your pics send them to... 240 Foxchase Dr. N. Oswego Illinois 60543.

Going to see my man Gunnar this weekend. Jessi V. and myself are heading for Chi town via train to see how the good ol' boy is fairin' in his 17th floor apartment decked out with tons of recording equipment and enough instruments to start 4 bands and still have an extra guitar for each guitarist. I LOVE THE CITY!

Please take me away from this suburban hell!

farewell and until next time keep Michael Flatley in your "prayers". Who truely is...Lord of The Dance

Saturday, September 04, 2004

Hey all this is Joe here just telling everyone that I am currently working away at making that cd I promised everyone to make. Since the votes were few and split into two different genres evenly I'm proud to announce that the cd will be a driving cd that has a love theme. Feel free to use this cd to chug along the road with that special someone. I'll post again when it's complete.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Countdown Biotch!

Well well well.

Day one down...harmless. Bring on the full days!
only 173 days left.(that is school days, weekends and holidays excluded)

Today I was sitting down in my homeroom when I noticed immediatly why I hate being in the class of 2006. The kids in my graduating class are all so different from me. I truthfully have very few friends at school that are in the same grade as me. Most of my friends are either a year younger than me or a year or two older than me. I can't stand some of the kids in my grade. I could go on explaining quite a few of the ignorant and idiotic kids in my grade but for the sake of my own well being I'll just say that if you're in my grade and you are acting like a total jag-off then I probably don't hold you in the highest esteem. I dunno maybe i'm just to judgemenal and doubt it...


Religion...My opinion on the whole....wait I have blogged about religion before. Nevermind this talk is unnecessary. If you really want to, go to my old Xanga blog and dig it up. I'm way too lazy to complain about my problems with religion...Yay God! amen.

In other news if you have a bad cold or a irritating dry patch on your elbow then may I suggest decorating a small llama fetus with candy and then burning it while chanting random utterances and waving your hands about and then to top it all of have a nice glass of your own piss to cleanse the body and mind of all never mind I've seen too much watching the discovery channel at Alex's house today. Drinking piss especially your own is wrong. And the fact that purchasing a fucking llama fetus is possible makes me want to vomit. No! Bad shaman. Don't drink piss...that's not cool...

Another drink that isn't cool to drink is pitch black mountain dew. I think there is a point, despite the need for more sales, where you need to draw the line and say 'you know what, Right here is where we should stop and just let things run themselves.' But no "hey guys I know we have regular and code red and even livewire(Which by the way tastes just like orange freezepop juice before it's frozen) but lets make another one that tastes like black cherry.' Good Idea at first until the fatal mistake of making it taste like shit settled in and festered like a bit of cancer hanging of you tongue. Bad mountain dew. Besides everyone should drink more water so they don't get kidney stones or get dehydrated. Actually i'm just saying this all because i'm pissed that I have two cavaties despite the brushing and flossing I do on a daily basis. Damn you carbonated beverage!

tomorrow SEX!

Oh hey by the way I'm trying to decide on what to make my new cd compilation of. Here are your choices. Let me know what you want and when the compilation is finished I'll make sure everyone who wants a copy gets a copy.
Choices are:
A)Driving music
B)Theme songs
D)Easy listening

God damn, school is setting in already isn't it!

Live Long and Prosper! :)