Thursday, November 25, 2004


I had a great thanksgiving day. I went hiking at the crack of dawn in a very secluded woods. It was gorgeous. The sun shimmered off all the new snow and my tracks were the first that had been laid down. I love the winter. It does get old after awhile though so I'll enjoy it now and later complain about the slush and the cold. For now Merry Thanksgiving and to every I say eat turkey and pie to your heart's content!!!

Monday, November 22, 2004 went by fast today today. Two videos a project and after that a speech meeting. Speech meeting = lame. Lame = boring + pointless. Listen to Franz.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

The only words that can sum up how I feel right now are-

This is where I'll be so heavenly,so come and dance with me Michael.So sexy, I'm sexy,so come and dance with me Michael. I'm all that you see, you wanna see, so come and dance with me Michael. So close now, so close now,so come and dance with me, so come and dance with me, so come and dance with me Michael, you're the boy with all the leather hips, sticky hair, sticky hips, stubble on my sticky lips. Michael, you're the only one I'd ever want only one I'd ever want only one I'd ever want. Beautiful boys on a beautiful dancefloor. Michael,you're dancing like a beautiful dance whore. Michael,waiting on a silver platter now ... and nothing matters.

...not really.

So yesterday I helped Brems out with another one of his college films he has to shoot for class. It was fun. Jessi and i starred in it. The scene was shot in a stlye of cinematography you can find in Goodfellas in the one scene where the police helicopter is following Henry. The scene is very fast and the camera moves frantically. We adapted the scene a bit and the plot ended up having us running around the house and to a friends house to get videos that were due back at hollywood video. It was fun. I got to do some fun stuff with the car. Not to mention seeing brems hang on to the hood of my car to get a shot or two . That was too good.

OC is starting to scare me. I started writing it this weekend and now I feel the pressure for this to be complete and be good. Have confidence.

Short week this next week. YAY!

Hope nobody dies.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004


OC is starting to work out for me. I have got a decent plot idea and my brainstorming is flowing quite well. I can't wait to get this thing going. I hope I do well in OC. I want to strive to do my best.

Josh and I went to Borders tonight. I bought a book I have been itching to buy for quite some time. An actor Prepares by the man Stan himself. I'm reading the whole book tonight. I love it. I wanted to read the whole thing when I took Mr. B's theater class but he only gave us a section from it. It's really thorough and very interesting. It helps point out many problems and how to fix them when it comes to living the part on stage. Stanislavski is what made me want to act. Too bad Mr. B never uses stan's methods of acting for his own shows. I don't get that about him. He teaches all this really good acting technique in his theater arts class but rarely utilizes it for his own shows. He uses some of the more broader principles like creating a moment and eye contact and yadda yadda yadda. But stan goes alot more into the development of character and living the part than just that. Half the problem too is that Mr. B's shows he picks never have characters that can truely utilize this style of acting. For our last show in order for the parts to be performed "right" we had to over act and in a way most of our acting was more method acting than it was living the part.


I can't wait for Limelight.

Monday, November 15, 2004

I'm almost to the 1000 mark on my hit counter for my blog. It's taken awhile...

All I want for christmas is a large bundel of cash so I can go shop in chicago for scripts. I need to start a collection of scripts. I've been meaning to do this for awhile. I have yet to read Hamlet and plan on doing so soon. Other than that I hate turkey day. Mainly because I'm not for the whole being thankful and coming together as a family. I think that's bull. Like all holidays no matter what the problems in the family are we set them aside for a day or two to celebrate togetherness, eat ham get fat and then sit in front of the tv to watch football. No let's just appreciate each others presence everyday...that's how it should be. Holidays are lame excuses for cards and family get togethers...which I hate. I don't think I am having family over for thanksgiving and for that...I'm thankful. For once I don't have to put up with family trips and relatives sapping the energy out of me when I expect to just be a bum and appreciate the break from school. Like everyone should.

Brems got ahold of me and this saturday he, Jessi and I are going to make a little film that he needs for school. I'm glad to help the old man out.

Jessi, Donovan has a new album out. I'll burn you his new song from the album that I downloaded. It's really sweet and easy going.

Speech I can tell is gonna be quite the endeavor this season. I have no doubt that I will be rushing around trying to gather my shit together the day before speech meet 1, in Nequa. ah I love adrenaline.


pen·e·tra·tion (pen-a-tra-shun)n.
The act or process of piercing or penetrating something, especially:

1. The act of entering a country or organization so as to establish influence or gain information.
2. An attack that penetrates enemy territory or a military front.
3. Insertion of the penis into the vagina or anus.
4. The power or ability to penetrate.
5. The depth reached by a projectile after hitting its target.
6. The degree to which a commodity, for example, is sold or recognized in a particular market.
7. The extent of influence that one culture or nation has on another.
8. The capacity or action of understanding; insight.
I need to get a grip on myself. Alot of things have changed lately in my life. I'm not sure what exactly and to what extent but things seem different. It's scary. I feel different in circumstances that I've usually been able to deal with quite easily. School is great. Speech is exciting. I feel like i'm about to face something big in my life. The anticipation is killing me. I need to slow down really badly. I need a vacation and a new perspective on life. I need a new friend and an old feeling of security, regardless of wether or not is false. I need to find so much but yet despite my position and why i'm even commenting on my feelings eludes even myself...god, that sucks.

Things seem blurry lately. My life is passing so quickly and I feel like i'm being drug behind it. My mind and body ache. Altough, It's more of a numb feeling than it is painful. I think i'm changing. If anyone notices me changing for the worse please let me know. If you comment please don't try to assuage me. I just want you all to promise that if I change for the worse to shine light on the subject and open my eyes because right now I can't quite lay a finger on what's happening to me. I hope it's just a transitional stage in my life. I'm sure it is, but it feels retarded and juvenile and that's what I'm trying to get away from. I almost think moving to Cinncinnatti might have been good for me. I think I've done too much in Oswego and my body isn't used to that. I need to get out.

I'm not sure if it has anything to do with what is going on with me but whenever I sit with my guitar and rattle out some lyrics I can never come out with anything happy or positive. Only deep and lost feeling come out in my writing and singing. Most of it I throw away or forget because I want to abandon that, and yet I still carry it's creator with me. Hmm. Have you ever contemplated the expansion of the universe around us and the constant exchange of chaos that makes our lives out to what they are. It kinda makes you feel intelligent and important abut then as you the thought stagnates in your mind you find it all confusing and you feel so small that you're put right back in your place and with nothing more gained than a wasted hour and a small headache that you know will go away and then be replaced by the same mindless rabble that fills our minds in our everyday life.

Does she like me?
Can I be what I want to be?
what should I have for lunch?
What can I do to help you say what's on your mind?
Why do we act this way?
Why can't I do this?
How will I get through this?
Why am I so lucky?
Or is it fate?
Is there such thing as fate?
I hope so...well at least to a degree.

Saturday, November 13, 2004


Sorry for the long wait. I've been bad about updating lately. I guess it's been a mix between not wanting to update about what's gone on lately and the sheer fact that I have very little time in order to. School is in full session now and has plagued me. Homework in my hard classes and falling asleep in my boring classes. Nobody should ever take earth science. It's lame and it literally saps the life out of me. I'm always having to help the people around me...and by help I mean i'm doing all the work for them. I'm the only one despite the amount of times I fall asleep in that class that is passing. IT'S ALL COMMON SENSE YOU FUCKING PRICKS. little grains of sand move fast in fast water and boulders don't move at all in slow here take this and go shove it up your ass at least telling you to do that will actually produce some sort of a result instead of "uhhhh...does pink and yellow make green?"

I'm sure you all know of the whole incident concerning Kyle, myself, and the wheelchair of her late grandmother. I won't go into it here. I would like to post an apology to everyone who was affected negatively by that incident. My actions were childish and my regret is sincere. Things seem better know and I can only hope that nobody's view of myself has changed in any way.

On a lighter note...



Everyone including myself on speech team is psyched. This season is gonna be intense and I intend on focusing alot more this year on speech team than I did last year. I'll be doing HDA and OC...(for all who don't do the speech thing..HDA-Humerous duet acting, OC-Original Comedy). Oh and I refuse to use pez dispensers as a way to show a sign of respect to winning oswego members. I refuse to use the pez dispensers this season...if you agree with me fellow speech members rise up and join with me in the rebellion.

I've also takin' up the trumpet in the past two weeks. I've got clear sounds coming out now but I need some tutoring to learn more scales and refine my abilities where they are now. Anyone up for it?

M Eagle scout project is done! I got that finishes last saturday and the results of hard work and thorough planning have paid off. I'll post some pics later. Look in the newspaper for an article and a photo. I would like to thank everyone for making it out and contributing to the effort. The steps look great and what I had thought would have taken the whole day right up until 5 in the evening was finished at 2 with time to sit back and admire a job well done. PLEASE! go use the hill once we get snow on the groound. I hope the steps make the climb easier!

Hey Fauth! Photo copy me that script for the winter show and mail it to my ass. I also need to know how the winter show is going to affect my schedule...oh while i'm using my post as a messaging service let me tell all who plan on not having much to do during the winter...THE WINTER LIMELIGHT SHOW! DO IT. more info later. I don't know much myself. just wait for the winter parkdistrict catalogues to come in your mail and find out when and where you can sign up for it. I'll hopefully be ass. unpaid director and Diana I think is going to be the ass. paid director and then of course the wonderful anomoly himself Brian.

-that's a pretty good update.

I say R-A